


caught behind those burning eyes

by littlelocaldreamer



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Edmonton Oilers, M/M, Minor Angst, Relationship Negotiation, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:07:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21917260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelocaldreamer/pseuds/littlelocaldreamer
Summary: It’s strangely peaceful, being held.
Relationships: Leon Draisaitl/Connor McDavid
Comments: 7
Kudos: 81





	caught behind those burning eyes

**Author's Note:**

> title from mumford&sons

They’re both intensely private people so no one outside of the team knows how close Connor and Leon actually are. 

Long after everyone’s left practice they’ll stay on the ice another 45 minutes or so with an extra coach or two—learning the other’s moves like an extended limb. 

“Dynamic duo,” the press has dubbed them. 

“Unstoppable,” athletic articles will write. 

“The greatest threat the Oilers have,” other players will comment in post-game interviews. 

Connor’s aware of it. Leon knows it, too. They don’t really talk about their connection on the ice because it seems strange to acknowledge something that comes so easily to the both of them. 

Connor’s an incredible hockey player. He can make anyone on his wing look good. People know this. What people don’t know is that Leon is just as good—if for a different reason. 

Leon’s bigger than Connor so he packs more of a punch. Where Connor’s gift is his speed, Leon’s is his strength. But they’ll switch up too- flip the roles. Leon may not ever get as fast as Connor but his energy exceeds most other players in the league. 

And Connor can bring the heat when he needs to—back checking so fluently he’s already gone by the time the other player even registers a threat. 

Their styles are different but their goal is the same. 

They’re consistently compared but there’s no competition between them- none whatsoever. They push one another, motivate eachother. But any tails of shadows and jealousy are best left out in the cold. 

If there’s any dismay or uneasiness—it’s not where the media or other teams would even think to look. Because Connor’s kept it locked down so deeply inside himself he can’t even locate it sometimes. 

He has a crush. And it’s ridiculous. 

But Leon is gorgeous. The stripped down raw version of a man. He’s handsome, respectful, and talented. He’s a bit of introvert, which hits Connor’s shy soul right where it lives. 

He’ll only talk about Germany when he’s really down and he never shares details of his relationship with Celeste and no one has ever seen him cry. 

The team can’t even say that about Connor.

After the All Star game back in the spring they started spending more time together, getting to know one another on even more intimate level. 

They began cooking together, working out in the gym on their off days, running around the park down the street from their building, sharing childhood sibling stories both good and bad.

They got into a solid groove and Connor allowed himself to be swept up in the friendship. But then on one especially memorable occasion Leon commented on a man they passed on the street. Simple, offhand. But it rocked Connor’s world. 

“In shape, yeah?”

Connor tripped over his own feet, clumsy and awkward. Leon turned to him with a look and it stopped Connor in his tracks. 

It was sunny, unusually warm for a May day in Edmonton. He pushed his sunglasses up his nose to hide how his eyes focused on Leon’s mouth. 

“That guy? Could be an athlete. Maybe even a hockey player.” Connor laughed, fake and forced, and moved forward. 

Leon followed in step behind. 

“Attractive, eh?” He wondered aloud as he passed Connor. 

Connor almost flinched. 

“Sure...he’s—yeah,” was all he could mutter in response, throat suddenly bone dry. 

Leon glanced back at him over his shoulder, tongue swiping over his bottom lip in the quickest flash.

Connor tripped again—head spinning. 

He’d heard rumors. There were always rumors in the NHL. But up until that point Leon had never confirmed nor denied his bisexuality. 

Connor’d always wondered—if only for the silly reason that Leon’s European and his civilian style is classic metrosexual. But the wonder never came from a bad place. Never a place of discomfort. Connor wanted to know if Leon liked boys because, well—

He did too. 

But no one knew that about him. 

Not his parents. Not Lauren. Not even Cameron. 

The rest of that day passed by in a hazy blur—most of it spent with Connor hysterically wondering if Leon was going to make a move and how he would react if he did. 

But Leon didn’t. 

Connor wasn’t sure if it was relief or disappointment he swallowed. 

***

The new season begins next week and everyone’s in a great mood. This is the year they’re going to turn it around—Connor repeats it so often it’s like a sixth sense at this point.

They’re at some posh bar on top of a hotel in downtown Edmonton, champagne flowing to celebrate the upcoming year. 

Connor’s sitting with Lauren and Celeste, handing rubbing soothing circles  
on Lauren’s smooth thigh. 

“I don’t know what Leon would’ve gotten up to without Connor,” Celeste says, perfectly manicured hands wrapping around her champagne stem, “he would have been so lonely these past few weeks.”

Lauren smiles, bright and warm. She squeezes Connor’s wrist under the table as she replies, “Connie too, though! It’s hard when we’re not here to keep them entertained.” 

Connor laughs, soft and pleased, and looks down as Lauren presses a quick kiss to his cheek. 

He’s just the right level of drunk to allow it and not make a fuss. He was serious when he told the media in the beginning of his captaincy that he doesn’t like to talk about Lauren. Their life together is theirs alone. 

He has to share so much of himself with everyone, all the time. He knows it’s part of being a leader in the NHL so he’s fine with his hockey being dissected, but not his personal life. 

And anyway it’s only the team and their various partners tonight. Connor doesn’t have to worry about cameras or reporters. He sighs and presses against Lauren, feeling a little more relaxed. 

Maybe the alcohol’s hitting too hard.

“Babe?” There’s her voice, all gentle and fond, and Connor smiles sleepily as she leans back into him, hand curling in his lap. He inhales, nostrils filling with her sweet lavender perfume. 

“He’s definitely feeling it.”

He hears Celeste laugh, he knows it’s hers because it’s the best—like songbirds in the spring. 

He opens his eyes, finds her watching him with a pretty little smile. Connor returns it then promptly frowns. Leon’s not with her. Connor wants to see him. 

“Where’s Leo?”

Celeste flips her slick posh pony over her shoulder, gaze hooded. She gives Lauren a sly leer before answering, “He went to the restroom. Maybe you should go check on him?”

Lauren’s hand squeezes down on his thigh, nails digging in as she whispers in his ear, “Go get our boy, yeah?”

Connor’s across the room before he really registers movement, choosing to examine whatever weird exchange just occurred at a later and more sober date. 

It takes him a minute but he finds where he’s going eventually. The bathroom’s secluded on the second floor—far and away from everyone else. 

When Connor walks in Leon’s standing at the sink, eyes closed with his big hands splayed wide on the counter.

Connor blindly gropes behind himself. There’s a lock on the door, thank god. 

The sound of it turning makes his cock twitch, his heart race, as Leon looks up in the mirror. 

It happens so quickly he has no time to think—to regret what’s about to happen. Leon turns and his arms are open and Connor will take to the grave how desperately he falls into them. 

“Connor,” Leon murmurs, voice deep and low, before taking his mouth in a kiss not even remotely casual. 

Connor opens for him immediately, like Lauren sometimes will when she’s really turned on. Leon groans right into it, hands stroking through his feathery hair and stopping on the back of his neck in a tight, possessive hold. 

Connor can‘t breathe. 

He’s never been kissed by someone bigger. It should make him insecure, out of depth—but it doesn’t. It’s strangely peaceful, being held. Like liquid gold seeping through his veins.

“Yeah, okay—Leon,” he whispers, voice hoarse. 

“Let me,” Leon murmurs, bringing a hand to rub at the hinge of his jaw, “let me in.”

Leon controls the movement, the pace, Connor’s face. And Connor just—

Allows it. 

It’s an odd sensation. He’s so used to being the leader he never anticipated letting someone else take charge. 

Leon keeps running a hand through his hair and pulling at the collar of his dress shirt like he wants more and it’s new—but it’s also really doing it for Connor. Making him hot.

He pushes and Leon pushes back, pushes in—

Their cocks align and Connor makes a sweet sound in his throat.

When they break away to breathe Leon bites his swollen bottom lip and Connor’s knees wobble. 

He’s fucked as Leon comes back for more, slick lips letting out the softest of pants. 

Leon nudges his nose with his own, almost shy—and Connor can’t handle that. 

He connects their lips again, leading this time—aggressive. Leon rises to the bait, leans into him. Their kissing is fueled by a powerful heat, almost—angry. Leon bites at his lips and sucks on his tongue like a punishment, like he wants to make it hurt. 

Connor doesn’t take it standing down. He leans his whole body into Leon’s chest, wrapping his arms around his neck and arching his middle—needing to be engulfed completely. 

There’s a reckless energy building within him, one he’s never felt before. Leon licks at his chin and he moans too loud. Leon grabs at his ass and he hisses through his teeth. Leon covers his mouth completely with his own and Connor’s heart leaps to his throat. 

Molten lava ignites all over his body and images flash through his head like lightning—Leon going down on him, Connor riding his cock, making out in the locker room showers long after everyone else has left. 

Connor rips himself away, dizzy and hard and utterly overwhelmed. 

He’s never had the chance to imagine himself with another man. Not really. Not even Dylan. 

There was a week or two, right after the World Cup, where he had all these bizarre and hate-fueled sexual dreams about Jack Eichel, but that’s about the extent of his gay experiences. 

This is staggering. 

Leon’s looking at him like Connor’s never seen before. The color’s draining from his lightly flushed face and his mouth hangs open, lips blood red and wet with Connor’s saliva. 

“Leon—“

“We talked about it,” Leon interrupts, breath quickening. “Celeste and I. She knows I have this weird—infatuation—with you.”

Connor frowns, hands curling at his sides. “What?”

Leon continues, but he steps back as he speaks, creating space. “God. Just like everyone else, yeah? Wanting something from you. Fuck.”

He looks so pained it breaks Connor’s heart a little. He steps forward, still not speaking, anxiously trying to find the right words in his head. 

Leon wipes at his mouth as he takes another step back. “I’m sorry Connor. I’m—I’ll go.”

It’s the last thing that needs to happen.

“Leon no, wait—“

But he’s already halfway out the door, Nursey standing on the other side with a bewildered look on his face as Leon storms past. 

Connor glances quickly in the mirror, notes how flushed his cheeks are, how ruffled his suit is. 

He darts past Nursey, grateful that his friend and teammate looks a little too drunk to really ask any questions. 

Connor wouldn’t know how to answer them anyway.

***

The season begins. Time passes. They don’t talk about it.

Both of them are off to an explosive start separately but no one can stop talking about them as a pair. 

Connor can’t take a step without being asked about Leon. Leon can’t skate on away ice without a player coming up to him to talk about Connor. 

They’re so intertwined. Attached at the hip in the face of the franchise. 

It’s so painfully normal that Connor will sometimes question if anything ever actually happened between them—though the ever-present guilt at the back of his mind will always reassure him. 

He knows about wives and girlfriends of hockey players—has heard gay rumors and orgy tales and on road hookup stories for years. 

He knows a lot of players like to have their cake and eat it, too. But that’s not him, has never been him. 

He prides himself on his blatant, sometimes brutal honesty. He’s always been true to his family, his friends—Lauren. 

Maybe he’s only been lying to himself. 

He heaves a deep, defeated sigh. 

He needs to talk to Leon. 

He has to tell Lauren.

This is a massive clusterfuck. 

Their girlfriends are best friends, for crying out loud. They’ve vacationed together, picked out dogs and furniture together. Connor’s met Celeste’s mother and Lauren’s stayed over at Leon’s with the two of them a handful of times if Connor can’t make it home due to such a demanding off ice schedule. 

Even Nursey, who will join in occasionally with his girlfriend, commented the last time they all hung out, “Why don’t y’all just save yourself the transport and buy a big house together?”

Leon laughed at the comment while Lauren hugged Celeste so tight her feet lifted off the ground.

Connor coughed aggressively and looked away. 

Their group is so close Connor’s come to think of them as his found Edmonton family. 

It makes this secret so much harder to harbor. The fear of causing or inflicting pain that much more prominent. 

“You okay, Con?”

Leon’s with him currently. They’re leaving Rogers Place after a spectacular game. Not only did the team beat out the Canucks 3-2 but both Connor and Leon reached 50 points—one right after the other. Following eachother like they’d been all season. 

Connor’s not okay. He’s buzzing—unable to keep still as his fingers lightly tap on the wheel of his Range Rover. He bites down on his bottom lip, looks out the window. Taps his left foot against the floor. 

He‘s so restless. Maybe a little untethered. It’s unfamiliar. Connor is always in control. 

He never slips up. 

But when he glances over at Leon instead of answering, he can feel a sick, tight clench clamp down around his center. 

Leon’s gorgeous in his gravity gray peacoat, hair perfectly styled from only shower water. 

He smells so good too, recently started using Armani Code and it’s—distracting. 

Connor never used to be so in tune to him, to know how his proximity affected his senses. But they spend so much time together now. 

He’s all mixed up in his head. 

“Fine,” he answers, keeping his voice light as he forces a smile. 

“Yeah?” Leon bumps his arm gently. 

And that’s distracting—something he’s been doing more often. Touching Connor off the ice. 

He’s never done it in the past and as far as Connor knows, he doesn’t do it with any other teammate.

Connor wonders if that makes him special. Then he wonders if he’s being an idiot. 

Leon and Celeste live in the same building as Lauren and Connor. Their girlfriends don’t typically live with them during the season, having their own lives to maintain and manage. Neither of them are in town tonight and Connor’s hands start to sweat when he thinks of inviting Leon over. Thinks about the two of them alone together on his stupidly expensive couch. 

“Connor? You’re about to miss the turn—“

Connor swerves just in time, making a sharp right and wincing internally as Leon’s body connects with the car door out of the corner of his eye. 

“Shit—sorry—are you okay?”

He spares a quick look and is met with complete confusion.

Connor has no idea what the fuck he’s doing. 

“Con—what’s going on?”

Leon reaches a hand across the seats and tentatively places it on Connor’s knee. 

“Do you want to talk?”

Connor jerks so hard his other knee slams up against the dash, painful and embarrassing. “Oh fuck—I—“

Leon removes his hand like he’s been burned.

His head is spinning, thoughts swimming all over the place. Too many to nail down, too blurry to focus on. 

“Just breathe Connor, deep breath in, deep breath out yeah?”

Connor’s hands tighten on the wheel. He does as he’s told but it’s shaky and uncoordinated. 

“Connor, pull over.”

Leon’s using a disciplinary voice—one he only uses towards hungover teammates or silly rookies who don’t practice as seriously as they should. 

Connor lets out a sigh of relief, grateful to be told what to do.

They’re nearly home but the neighborhood they pull into will suffice for a moment or two. They live in a ritzy part of town—mammoth mansions sitting pretty all along the border of their luxurious apartment complex. Connor’s never explored the area and he’s kind of sorry about it. 

It’s charming and lovely. 

He turns off the car, pitching them in a soft darkness.

The tension nearly chokes him.

“We played a great game tonight, eh?” He asks, attempting to break it even though he created it. 

“The best,” Leon answers, earnest. 

Connor can’t look over, knows Leon’s gaze is probably so genuine, so soft. 

Connor doesn’t speak again for a minute. The internet always rags on him for being boring and flat—not personable.

He’s actually just quiet. Doesn’t see the point in saying things he doesn’t mean. 

He has so much he wants to say to Leon, though. 

He can’t say any of it. 

“Connor?”

Connor looks at him, and for once he doesn’t think. Maybe the only time in his life off the ice. Besides that night in the bathroom—he wasn’t thinking then, either.

He leans forward, quick and fluid, and presses a gentle kiss on the jut of Leon’s cheekbone.

He pulls back, breath quickening and hands starting to sweat. Leon doesn’t move. Barely even reacts besides closing his eyes for a second. 

They both take a deep breath in. Synchronized even here.

“Fuck,” Connor mutters on the exhale, moving back. 

Leon grabs him before he gets too far, directly in the center of his chest. He lunges forward and Connor’s surrounded by his broad shoulders, his huge figure. 

He brings their mouths so close together Connor can feel a rush of air against his lips. 

“Connor,” Leon murmurs, almost pained, “I—we can’t, right?”

Connor does anyway. Throws his reservations out the window and pushes Leon back into his seat. Lauren came with him when he went to get this car, commenting immediately on the amount of space. 

“You could get pretty PG-13 in here,” she said with a giggle and a playful wink.

Connor laughed and agreed before taking her hand in his. 

Lauren makes him feel safe, secure. She’s sweet and solid and knows exactly how to take care of him. 

Leon makes him feel wild, uncontrolled. Weirdly possessive. He doesn’t like the idea of him being on a different line. Doesn’t like when he hangs out with Nursey or Nugs and doesn’t invite him.

It’s jarring and unnerving and the first time in his life Connor‘s ever felt insecure. 

Leon is driving him mad. He’s never been in this position. 

So he does what he always has and goes after it—chases the curiosity, wanting a taste of something he’s never had before. 

He climbs gracelessly into Leon’s lap, briefly relieved at how well they fit together before connecting their mouths again. 

Leon doesn’t resist. He doesn’t try to push him away either, instead wrapping strong arms around his shoulders, dragging him down, pulling him in. 

His mouth is soft and plush, revealing itself for Connor’s tongue like a blooming flower. 

He’s getting hard so quickly, weak with arousal.

“Fuck,” he pants, dragging his lips along Leon’s strong, defined jawline, “never thought I’d be in someone’s lap.”

He laughs, tiny and exasperated, as Leon’s arms tighten even further around him. 

“Never thought you’d be in mine,” Leon replies, licking at Connor’s bottom lip.

“But I thought about it,” he continues, alternating between little kisses and teasing bites, “so many times—Connor—“

Connor cuts him off, bringing their lips back together in a slick kiss so filthy his face flames. He’s grateful for the cover of the night around them. 

Leon’s warm hand sneaks down to Connor’s waist and up under his Oilers hoodie until it’s fully splayed across a rib. 

The weight of it comforts Connor, helps him slow down his breathing. He pulls his mouth away, smiling when Leon follows after it. 

Connor keeps his eyes closed as he says, voice shaky, “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that night.”

Leon makes a small noise under his breath, rubbing his hand up and down Connor’s bare skin. 

“We were so drunk,” Leon responds, “I’m sorry—I shouldn’t have—.”

Connor kisses him mid-apology, unwilling to let him take sole responsibility. He may have instigated but Connor allowed it. One minute they were far apart then their faces were close together, mere centimeters. Their combined body heat pulling him into a spell much like the one he’s slipping under now. 

“Remember when I wore your hoodie forever ago?”

Leon kisses at his cheeks, letting out a low “mmm” sound.

“I slept in it that night,” Connor confesses, bending down to hide his warm face in Leon’s neck. “I liked how your number looked on me.”

He’s never told anyone that. 

“Oh fuck,” Leon replies, voice wavering. “I have to get you off—“

Leon reaches for his waistband and Connor jolts, snapping back to reality. For some reason the idea of Leon’s hand touching his bare skin, of having his fingers wrapped directly where he needs it most, sparks a massive flare of anxiety. 

He pushes Leon’s hand away. 

“I’m sorry—we have to stop, I have to talk to Lauren.”

Leon removes his hands from Connor completely in an instant, slumping back in his seat with a controlled intake of breath.

“Fuck,” he whispers, bringing the heel of a hand to his eye and pushing in. “Right. Of course.”

Connor clears his throat, tries to ignore the pulse of arousal that floods his body as Leon wipes at his mouth. 

He takes a deep breath and moves back; away from Leon and into his own seat. 

The distance, though small, pushes the fog out of his head and he’s able to clearly remember then what Leon said in the bathroom. 

“Celeste?”

Leon nods, folding his hands together in his lap. “She’s the one who noticed—an energy...between you and I.”

Connor blushes even further, rolling his eyes internally at himself. He’s a grown man. He shouldn’t be so easily flustered. And he normally isn’t—

It’s just Leon. 

He does this. 

“Energy?” 

Leon laughs, a little gasp of a thing, says, “She said I had a crush on you. I didn’t even realize...but it wasn’t actually a surprise.”

Leon’s tapping on his knee, a nervous habit he barely gives in to. Connor wants to reach across and grab at it, hold it. 

“You’re hardly the first man,” Leon continues, and it’s weirdly wounding to hear, even though Connor suspected. “Europe is very different from this part of the world.”

“We’re teammates...” Connor mutters, trailing off. 

“And?” Leon prompts, gentle and soft.

Connor shakes his head. He doesn’t know where he was going with that, what he was going to say. His feelings are still a little tender. He assumed Leon had been with men in the past. It doesn’t matter. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Connor shakes his head, “I—I have to talk to Lauren.”

He starts the car, buckles his seatbelt with shaky hands.

They drive the rest of the way home in near silence, only the faint sound of the radio turned low filling the space between. 

It’s suffocating in the elevator. A palpable intensity surrounds the air around them and Connor begins breathing too loud, too harsh. 

By the time they stop at Leon’s floor he’s in the midst of a panic attack. He hasn’t had one in years but he knows the signs, understands his body. 

Leon gives him a look of concern, taking his hand and leading them down the hall. 

“Just breathe, Connor. Focus on the physical. Breathe. It’s alright.”

When they make it inside Connor flees for the bathroom, torn between wanting to plaster his body against Leon’s and launch himself as far away as possible—maybe outer space. 

He calls Lauren immediately, racing heart rabbiting at the base of his throat. 

“Hi baby,” she greets, cheerful and sweet. “Congrats on 50! Wow. Here’s to the next 50, eh?” She laughs and the sound envelopes Connor’s heart, calming him.

Though shame still sits heavy in his stomach. 

“Lauren,” he whispers, trying to sound upbeat but failing pathetically. 

There’s a pause, some rummaging around. She’s probably baking. “Con? What’s wrong?”

He opens then closes his mouth. Outside the door and down the hall he hears Leon moving around, steps heavy and present. 

Connor can’t keep anything in anymore. 

All of it pours out of him, the first kiss—the intrusive thoughts—the second kiss just then in the car. 

By the time he’s finished he’s near gasping for breath, staring at his blotched cheeks in the mirror of Leon’s bathroom.

“I’m so sorry,” he breathes. “I’m so messed up.”

Lauren doesn’t say anything for several moments. She always takes her time to reflect internally before reacting externally. It’s one of Connor’s absolute favorite things about her. 

He’s on the verge of tears waiting for her though, trying to shove the sheer panic down.

“Connor?” She finally asks, voice unreadable. 

“I’m here, Laur.”

She inhales.

Connor holds his breath. 

“We’ve been together a long time...I know you. So I won’t lie and say I never wondered about your sexuality.”

Out of all the things he expected her to start with, it wasn’t that. 

He hears Leon moving again—he’s in the kitchen, the sound of a pot being put in the sink followed by running water. 

Connor wipes a sweaty palm on his pants. “Really?”

“Well yeah,” Lauren replies, soft and cautious, “like—with Dylan? In Erie?”

Connor’s heart rate spikes. He bites his lip, squeezes his eyes shut. 

“Stromer?”

“You two were incredibly close.”

His shoulders tense up. He lets them drop and loosens his jaw. Tries to chill out. 

“Connor?”

He rubs at his neck, the tips of his ears burn. 

“Yeah—yeah. I don’t know. You’re right. We were pretty close.”

He pauses, thinking about it. Dylan’s been his friend for a long time, someone he admires and respects and who treats him like family. They spent a lot of time alone together, learning about eachother. He found Dylan attractive, he won’t lie to himself and say otherwise. 

But.

“He was my best friend. Like family.”

Lauren makes an affirming sound. “So you never thought about it?”

“No,” Connor replies, honest. 

“But Leon...”

Connor frowns. Pulse racing again.

“He’s...different? I don’t know how to explain it.”

Lauren doesn’t say anything. Connor flounders, running a free hand through his hair, barely restraining himself from pulling at it.

“I fucked up. Royally. And I’m so sorry—I’ve been having a hard time. And dealing with it by avoiding it.”

Lauren makes a little huffy sound. 

“And how’s that working out for you?” Her tone is tired, but light. Somehow she’s not angry. 

Relief pulses throughout Connor’s body. He doesn’t deserve her. 

“It’s not, baby. It really isn’t.” 

She makes an asserting noise. “Look, we’re a team, right?”

Connor nods. Forgets she can’t see him. “Yes.”

“And if one of us is struggling, it’s up to the other to help explore solutions.”

Connor bites on lip, shoulders tensing up as Leon’s footsteps echo down the hall. “True.”

“So if this...crush, or whatever—is something you need to figure out—then Connor? Go figure it out.”

His jaw drops. “Wait...what?”

There’s no way he can get away with this. There’s no way. 

“Lauren—“

She cuts him off. “What kind of partner would I be if I didn’t allow you to explore this part of yourself?”

A lump unexpectedly sneaks up into his throat, making it hard to breathe. “Baby—“

“It’s okay, Con. It’s alright.”

He takes a deep, deep breath, willing stray tears away as he sits down on the toilet. Leon must be making a late dinner, pasta—it smells like—which is Connor’s most favorite comfort food and which he can never actually have due to strict diet restrictions. 

He closes his eyes, lips quirked. 

“Laur—I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what any of this means.”

She makes a soothing sound. “Right.”

He pushes himself to be vulnerable. “I want to figure it out...but I can’t do it without you. I need you.”

She doesn’t respond, knowing he’s not finished. 

“And...I want you to know—if there’s something you need, or want—I want you to have whatever you want. I want you to be happy.”

He doesn’t know if she can be if he gets to do—whatever—with Leon, while she hangs out at home. It should be equal. That should be enough. 

He needs reassurance. He has to be certain. 

She has to be okay. 

“Connor, I am happy.” She pauses, and when she speaks again, it’s unbearably tender. “I am so happy with you. I just need you to be happy too.”

“I am,” he says immediately, swallowing thickly. 

“But baby, you’re not. Not until you—you look into this.”

He rubs at his eyes, bites down on his tongue. 

He doesn’t respond for a second, trying hard to gather his thoughts but he can’t keep any one around long enough to focus. 

“Connor, where are you now? Are you with him?”

It doesn’t sound accusatory. Or mean. She’s concerned. 

Connor gulps. “Yeah I’m at his place—we came here after—“

Nearly fucking in the Range Rover, his frenzied mind supplies. 

“The game. Right. Go talk to him,” Lauren says softly, keeping the conversation on track. 

Disbelief fills him. It shouldn’t be this easy. “How is this okay?”

Lauren sighs. “Lying to me by withholding information is never okay. Let’s make that clear.”

Connor waits, holding his breath. 

“But sexuality is...complicated. And a spectrum.”

There’s another apology on the tip of his tongue but she sounds like she’s going to say more so he stays silent, rubbing his hand against his forehead. 

“I never told you this but I dated a girl in the beginning of college.”

His eyes widen and he steals a glance at the mirror, looking absolutely goofy. “Seriously?”

“Yes. It was lovely and great and private—barely anyone knew...I never even thought about women that way until I met her. I just don’t think anyone should miss out on getting to know themselves better...and that includes you.”

Connor’s speechless. He has no idea how he met someone so understanding, so emotionally intelligent. He was so worried having this conversation was going to ruin everything—push her away completely. Maybe push Leon away completely—

“Stop thinking so hard,” she murmurs, gentle and prodding, “go talk to him. Then talk to me after.”

His heart pounds erratically, both at the thought of her hanging up and at opening the door to Leon. “Thank you for sharing that with me. And thank you...God. Lauren. For everything. But—I don’t know—“

There’s an aggressive intake of breath. “Connor McDavid, you are an NHL captain. Stop hiding out. Hop to it!”

Connor laughs, and it sounds suspiciously wet. He grabs a tissue from the counter and dabs at his eyes. He’s not crying, he’s not an emotional person, but it’s a close thing. 

He obtained his career goal, gets to play hockey everyday. He can support his brother and his parents financially. He has a beautiful girlfriend. And an amazing best friend. 

Maybe he did something great in a past life. Maybe the universe just really likes him. 

“I love you,” he whispers, “I’ll call you later.”

“I love you too,” she replies, steady and resolute. 

***

There’s an assortment of vegetables simmering in a pan when Connor meets Leon in the kitchen. 

He’s stirring whole wheat noodles in a pot, tapping his foot along to the music playing softly from the Alexa across the counter.

“Hey,” Connor says, awkward as all hell. 

Leon turns to him with an easy smile and Connor’s shoulder loosen immediately. He’s always been envious of how nothing seems to phase him, how he’s able to just keep moving without regard or a second thought. 

Connor excels at compartmentalizing, but Leon excels at relaxation. Connor wishes he had that strength. 

“Sinatra eh?” He asks, chin pointing in the direction of the music. 

“He’s the greatest, right?”

Connor jerks his head in agreement, the back of his neck heating up. He curses his stiff stance, stretching his arms out in an attempt to release tension. 

“You must be starving,” Leon comments as he sautés what looks like zucchini, onions, spinach, and diced tomatoes.

His mouth waters. “I am, actually. Big game tonight, right?”

“So I heard,” Leon answers, grinning.

And just like that—they’re back in their regular dynamic, talking hockey. Leon serves them up two steaming plates not long after and it helps bring Connor back down to earth. 

They cover potential plays, new players, expected line projections and the weaknesses of them. Strategizing for the next game. It’s familiar territory. 

Connor didn’t realize how much he needed that until he notes how even his breathing is and how significantly his heart has slowed. 

This is only Leon.

He doesn’t need to be nervous. 

They finish up and Connor cleans while Leon puts on NHL highlights quietly in the background. When the last dish has been loaded in the washer Connor washes his hands then spreads lotion over them, taking extra time to get all the dry creases. 

He realizes he’s stalling when Leon’s quietly made his way back over to him, a affectionate look in his eye when Connor glances up. 

“Sorry,” he says, sheepish.

Leon shakes his head and laughs a little.

Connor moves towards the couch and Leon follows, putting a big hand on his lower back briefly before taking the heat away. 

Connor’s cheeks must be scarlet. 

They face one another when they sit down but Connor leaves ample space between. He can’t think when Leon’s touching him. 

A beat passes. 

He opens his mouth but Leon speaks first.

“Is everything alright with Lauren?”

Connor takes a moment. He doesn’t want to say the wrong thing but he also doesn’t want to reveal too much of what they talked about. It’s private. Even from Leon. 

He finally settles on, “Yeah—I think so.”

He adds a smile for reassurance. 

Leon smiles back, keeps his distance. “That’s good.”

The curiosity surely must be killing him but he just angles his body away, towards the television. 

Connor has always admired Leon’s inability to pry. It’s not his thing. He respects boundaries, even if those boundaries involve him.

It makes Connor want to open up on his own, rather than provide an explanation. 

He clears his throat. The corner of Leon’s mouth quirks up but he doesn’t look away from the TV.

“She said sexuality’s a spectrum,” Connor murmurs, voice coming out soft, “and—and I should explore that part of me.”

Leon turns back to him and Connor feels nothing but safe. 

“Yeah?” He gently prods. 

“Yeah,” Connor exhales, feeling lighter already. 

Leon nods. “That’s good. She’s always been really supportive.”

Connor beams, feeling utterly bashful. “Yeah, she has.”

Leon angles to fully facing him, thighs spread wider than before. Connor can’t help but look, noting the thick, strong muscles with a jump in his pulse. 

He drags his eyes back up to Leon’s face, wanting to linger on his lips but exercising the barest hint of self-control.

Not that it matters—Leon noticed him looking anyway. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asks, pulse pounding in his ears. 

“Please,” Leon answers, ardent and low.

He moves down the couch, closing the space between until there’s none left. The couch is massive, big enough to fit 3 or 4 hockey players comfortably, so Connor isn’t worried about having room to move as he climbs into Leon’s lap for the second time tonight. 

“This okay?” He asks, fighting to keep his voice from shaking. 

“More than,” Leon smoothly responds.

He’s letting Connor run the show, keeping his hands dutifully at his sides as Connor gets comfortable. 

If he could swoon, he probably would. 

When he places his hands on Leon’s shoulders he feels a little better, a little more balanced. 

It’s odd—being in this position again. He’s never done it before tonight and now he’s done it twice. 

He doesn’t hate how it feels. 

He leans in, keeping his eyes open. When their lips brush against eachother it’s even better than before. There’s a spark, but there’s comfort too. 

Just like on the ice—Leon’s got his back if something doesn’t go or feel right. 

Connor’s not alone in this. 

The thought gives him confidence, urges him to deepen the kiss. He gasps into it, frenzied by the wet heat of Leon’s mouth as he coaxes Connor’s tongue inside.

It’s slick and smooth and his cock throbs between his legs, arousal flooding it at a nearly alarming rate. 

He slowly begins moving his hips atop Leon’s thighs, testing the waters. The movement brings their erections into direct contact and it feels so good Connor keeps losing focus with all he wants to do with his mouth. 

He moves his head back from where Leon’s been sluggishly sucking on his tongue, trying to concentrate as he grinds into Leon’s cock. 

The friction makes him shiver, smooth fabric from their sweats doing little to hide how hard they both are. 

Leon surges against him, attaching his teeth to his neck and giving him a teasing, fleeting bite. 

“Fuck,” Connor whispers, tightening his thighs. 

Leon’s hands move to grip Connor’s ass—hauling him in good and close. 

He moves his mouth to Connor’s chin, nips at it as he asks, “You gonna let me take care of you?”

Connor whines, loosening up inside. “Please.”

Leon bites at his earlobe before sucking the soft flesh into the warm cavern of his mouth. Connor’s so aroused by the act he only half notices Leon reaching into the coffee table then into the front of his sweats—quick and seamless. 

When he wraps a big hand damp with lube around his cock Connor cries out, squeezing down on Leon’s shoulders. He’d be embarrassed by the noise but Leon seems into it, arching his hips.

“Fuck my hand, Connor.”

His voice leaves no room for argument or confusion. Connor does as he’s told no questions asked. 

It should be unnerving, exposed like this atop his best friend’s lap. But there’s no noise in his head. 

It’s quiet. 

Even the way Leon kisses him is calm, sensual. He kisses Connor like there’s no rush, no pressure. 

“I’ve got you,” he whispers as Connor drops his head down, “I’m gonna get you there,” he promises, lips on Connor’s temple. 

“It’s so good,” Connor slurs, mouth full of saliva, “you’re making me feel so good.”

“That’s it, keep moving like that.”

Connor’s a little shocked by how quickly he begins losing control, cock rapidly twitching in Leon’s hold the closer to orgasm he gets. He thrusts forward and the friction makes him moan. He thrusts backwards and Leon’s hard cock against his ass makes him whimper. 

He’s overwhelmed and overstimulated in the best way. 

“Fuck, Leo—I’m so close,” Connor groans, pushing his hips in, in, in—

Leon’s fingers circle the wet, swollen head carefully, pressing down on the glistening slit in a move that makes Connor’s toes curl. “Yeah. Get me messy baby, come on—“

The endearment cracks Connor open inside and he loses it all over Leon’s fist, thighs trembling and knees aching in the process. 

Waves crash through him as his release coats Leon’s hand, his shirt, Connor’s hip. It feels so good it steals his break away momentarily and he has to hide in Leon’s neck, mouthing shyly at the skin there as he comes down. 

Leon’s kissing whatever part of him he can reach, stilling his hips even though he must be ready to erupt. 

Connor doesn’t move from his hiding place as he purposefully rubs his ass down against the lump in Leon’s sweats, wanting to make him feel just as crazy good. 

“So glad we’re doing this,” Leon confesses, licking at his neck, “so glad you’d let me—“

Connor shifts, putting his back into it—riding Leon’s lap as if they were fucking for real. 

Connor’s mouth surges against Leon’s open one, breathing harshly into it like they’re just coming off a shift. 

“Yeah come on,” Connor says, breathless still, “come on me—“

“Oh fuck,” Leon’s hands grip his ass so hard it hurts—but in a deliciously possessive way. Connor leans into it rather than away. 

“Fuck me,” Connor pants against his cheek, wild and uncaring, “do it—“

“Shit, Connor—baby—“

Leon cries out and squeezes his middle as hard as he possibly can, streams of come marking Connor’s bruised ass in warm stripes. 

“Fuuuuck,” he whispers, crowding in even closer to Leon. 

Then it’s quiet around them. 

They stay stuck together long enough that Connor almost dozes off, if not for the disgusting mess they’ve made of their clothes. 

There’s come all over him and Connor isn’t even remotely grossed out. 

Looks like he can still surprise himself. 

“Are you okay?” Leon asks, voice dripping with concern.

Connor laughs, loud and unabashed. He looks down at Leon and for once, his mind is totally blank. 

“I’m—pretty great,” he replies, honest and hopeful. “Are you alright?”

Leon gives him a silly smirk, giving his ass a playful pinch. “What do you think?”

Connor’s heart soars. He’s got a lot to figure out but at least he’s not on his own. Open communication is pretty clutch when he remembers to use it. 

Leon smiles wide and open, reaching to pull him down. 

And Connor goes, happy to let him lead. 

“Yeah,” he says with a soft, helpless laugh, “that’s what I thought.”

**Author's Note:**

> giving 9729 the attention they *deserve* --thank you so much for reading. i'm really into learning about relationship dynamics right now and this is a direct manifestation of that. Oh and I can -never- get enough of Leon and Connor together—they’re very protective of one another. And I’m into it. Hit me with your feedback!
> 
> Tumblr: littlelocaldreamer88
> 
> C in L’s hoodie here:
> 
> https://amp.reddit.com/r/EdmontonOilers/comments/48md2p/mcdavid_wearing_draisaitls_sweater_postgame/


End file.
